Man today is one of those days where ya just want to choke somebody! I will be so glad when my five year old goes to kindergarten.....I have been a stay at home dad for going on five years, and it's definitely time for a change! I cant take another minute, I catch myself sometimes looking at the clock every 10-15 minutes waiting for my wife to return home from work, just I can take a breath!
You can only be so patient, so loving, so caring, before you want to just explode. I need my sanity back, I cant even think a complete thought before I hear " daddy do this" "daddy get me this" "daddy get me that" you get the picture? My hats are off to all the women out there who have, willingly chose to be a stay at home mom and raise children, it's not for the faint of heart gentlemen let me tell ya........give me a come-along and 100 yards of concrete any day over this.. I have had the opportunity to do alot oegf different things in life, and this is by far the most difficult thing I have yet to encounter. Never in my wildest dreams did I know what I was getting into when I agreed to this. I thought it would be a breeze, boy was I so wrong, so very wrong~
Have I mentioned that I have other children as well, one boy 20, one boy 15, one boy 5 and two 15 year old girls.........WOW.......tell me about it. I was very busy (and stupid) in my teens and early 20's. I just had no concept of the future, always living in the moment, and not caring about consequences. Boy does that shit catch up with ya, and when it does, it's a little like running naked into a tornado, all of the shit you don't want to see is right there flying around in your face. Yes, I was very irresponsible, and self-centered. I only thought of myself and what could I do to make Brian feel good..........pay now and play later....or play now and pay later.
I don't have a clue where this blog is going? It was originally gonna be about my journey of recovery, addiction, and my journey......it's kinda turned into a vent for me to just spit all this jibber jabber! I guess it is what it is, and I will use it for what ever the hell I see fit. I will surely enjoy reading all this madness when I make it further along in my recovery. I am only 4 months and 3 days clean. Just an infant in recovery, actually not even in "recovery" in the true sence of the word, Just CLEAN.
I think that recovery begins when I begin to actually find A NEW way to live. I am still depressed and miserable most days and it shouldn't be that way! I guess more will be revealed. Today I am clean, so I am dealing with it!